Carnival Time

This weekend starts the countdown to the two big days of carnival here in Trinidad and Tobago. Carnival has always been a special time for me. I love the excitement, the partying, the two days on Monday and Tuesday before Ash Wednesday of wild abandonement on the streets prancing and jumping to the steelband and brass bands.

But this year it is difficult for me (Marilyn) to enjoy it the way I used to. It is no fun dancing in the streets alone, or even walking around the town watching the colourful costumes. So carnival time makes missing my husband more acute. I have to make a great effort to keep my attention out on the activities and excitement so as not to notice the ache in my heart.

I remember the first carnival he experienced with me. I enjoyed watching his face light up with the novelty of it all; the amazement in his expression that an entire nation could wake out of their beds at 3.00am on Jour Ouvert morning to go into town to dance in the streets and officially begin the carnival. Seeing the celebration through his eyes was refreshing for me.

So this year, I will try to enjoy it once more, despite missing him so much and wishing he was here to share the fun with me. It certainly won't be the same.