One of the hard things about being apart is that you do not get to celebrate all the important occasions together. It is not always possibel to be together for both birthdays, anniversaries, christmas etc. But this time I got to be here for Mike's birthday.
We didn't waste a minute of it - in fact we celebrated for more than a day. As usual we didn't do anything extravagant. As corny as it sounds, it is true that we are so grateful to just be together that walking around the mall is a thrill for us.
Not only was the chance to celebrate a birthday together deeply significant, but it also made us think about growing old and appreciate our present health and good fortune.
We agree to sit down and make a list of all the things we must do in the next five years.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Just a few more days.
Just a few more days….
And it will be my turn again to travel to be with Mike. This time we get to spend a longer time together, perhaps the longest we have managed since the marriage became a long-distance one. It would almost be like learning to live together again, and that could be a fun and exciting thing or it could be a real challenge. Knowing us, I would guess fun and exciting.
The other day my son had to be separated from his girlfriend. He was finding it very difficult being apart from her. “How do you and Mike do it?” he asked me. I replied, “I try to find many ways to remind myself that I can survive this. One thing I think about is people who have it much harder and yet are able to do it. So for this one I think about US soldiers in Iraq. They do not have the luxury of being able to get on a plane and visit their families when the need gets too painful; they don’t know how long they will be apart, nor when they will be able to see and touch their loved ones, nor for how long. If they can find the strength to cope, then surely I can”.
And it will be my turn again to travel to be with Mike. This time we get to spend a longer time together, perhaps the longest we have managed since the marriage became a long-distance one. It would almost be like learning to live together again, and that could be a fun and exciting thing or it could be a real challenge. Knowing us, I would guess fun and exciting.
The other day my son had to be separated from his girlfriend. He was finding it very difficult being apart from her. “How do you and Mike do it?” he asked me. I replied, “I try to find many ways to remind myself that I can survive this. One thing I think about is people who have it much harder and yet are able to do it. So for this one I think about US soldiers in Iraq. They do not have the luxury of being able to get on a plane and visit their families when the need gets too painful; they don’t know how long they will be apart, nor when they will be able to see and touch their loved ones, nor for how long. If they can find the strength to cope, then surely I can”.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Mike's new hobby.
Being apart does not mean we don't share our lives. We work hard at keeping in close contact every day. We share our joys and upsets. As part of this we agreed that I should buy a car. Not just any car but a Jaguar. It is my new pet and it takes up all the spare time in my life right now. Time that otherwise could be spent in less productive ways. It is an older model that will take many months to bring up to standard. I have all summer to do that.
It has meant my budget has changed but in no way has it affected the money we save at home. This was crucial in our thinking. There is no point in me being here just to spend money!!!!! It is a tough balance sometimes but the sacrifices are well worth making. I have a new hobby and a new spring in my step.
When Marilyn arrives in Montreal next week I will be there to pick her up in the Jaguar. I know she will be happy that I am happy. We will have a really nice few weeks together that we need so much. The car will take second seat to that .......
Mike
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
We have each other
We don’t know how or if we will ever manage being apart for long periods of time. Parting never gets easier, but it is worth the time we spend together. Five days in Florida was all the time we had this time, and as always we sure made the most of it.
I was on a course for three days so I arrived on Tuesday, Mike joined me on Thursday evening, and we parted the following Tuesday in Fort Lauderdale airport, he to return to Canada and I journeyed back to Miami to catch my flight back home.
We were overjoyed to see each other Thursday after being separated for seven weeks. Just being together was enough. Getting a good night’s sleep was important to me as it is the only time I feel safe enough to sleep deeply. But we decided to make it into a fun-filled “vacation”. What seems like ordinary events to most people take on such joy when we do them together. Saturday we rode the bus and went to the mall. As I told him… he is one of the few men I know who enjoy strolling around a mall. For that I am grateful. Sunday was a day of relaxation at the beach. Monday we rode the water taxi for hours and strolled down Las Olas Boulevard, had cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory. Evenings we held each other tightly, contented at having created more memories to add to our bank to keep us going through the next separation.
When you only have short periods of time together like this, there is no time to be wasted on being angry with each other, or quarrelling over minor things. Some time is always spent on planning the next rendezvous so that we have something to look forward to. And to help us through the sad moments we remind ourselves that “we have each other”. We have also added to that phrase the fact that “it could have been worse”.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
One of many anniversaries
We are finally together after almost three months. It is my turn to travel to Montreal to spend some time with Mike. Even though the temperature is below zero and the snow is piled up to the roofs, I am happy to be here.
Sometimes it is only when the crisis is over and there is emotional safety again that your mind and body can succumb to the recent stress and strain. Now I feel like I want to be allowed a little break down- to collapse and cry it out. The last few months have been hard. It takes a lot of emotional energy to not miss someone; to keep your spirits up and your attention out as you go along your daily routine. It is not always as easy as it appears to fill the time with activity so that your mind doesn't get too much idle time to feel the pain of lonliness. Therefore these intermittent visits are so very important to revive that energy and give each other strength to cope.
Yesterday was the fifth anniversary of the day we first set eyes on each other. Certainly a day of celebration. We had a very special dinner at a lovely Thai restaurant. Despite the cold and snow we kept our minds focused on how fortunate we were to meet that day and that we have travelled these five years together.
Over the next few days we will add memories to our bank. We will brave the cold as two bodies are warmer than one. It is these memories that will help us through our next separation.
Sometimes it is only when the crisis is over and there is emotional safety again that your mind and body can succumb to the recent stress and strain. Now I feel like I want to be allowed a little break down- to collapse and cry it out. The last few months have been hard. It takes a lot of emotional energy to not miss someone; to keep your spirits up and your attention out as you go along your daily routine. It is not always as easy as it appears to fill the time with activity so that your mind doesn't get too much idle time to feel the pain of lonliness. Therefore these intermittent visits are so very important to revive that energy and give each other strength to cope.
Yesterday was the fifth anniversary of the day we first set eyes on each other. Certainly a day of celebration. We had a very special dinner at a lovely Thai restaurant. Despite the cold and snow we kept our minds focused on how fortunate we were to meet that day and that we have travelled these five years together.
Over the next few days we will add memories to our bank. We will brave the cold as two bodies are warmer than one. It is these memories that will help us through our next separation.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Carnival Time
This weekend starts the countdown to the two big days of carnival here in Trinidad and Tobago. Carnival has always been a special time for me. I love the excitement, the partying, the two days on Monday and Tuesday before Ash Wednesday of wild abandonement on the streets prancing and jumping to the steelband and brass bands.
But this year it is difficult for me (Marilyn) to enjoy it the way I used to. It is no fun dancing in the streets alone, or even walking around the town watching the colourful costumes. So carnival time makes missing my husband more acute. I have to make a great effort to keep my attention out on the activities and excitement so as not to notice the ache in my heart.
I remember the first carnival he experienced with me. I enjoyed watching his face light up with the novelty of it all; the amazement in his expression that an entire nation could wake out of their beds at 3.00am on Jour Ouvert morning to go into town to dance in the streets and officially begin the carnival. Seeing the celebration through his eyes was refreshing for me.
So this year, I will try to enjoy it once more, despite missing him so much and wishing he was here to share the fun with me. It certainly won't be the same.
But this year it is difficult for me (Marilyn) to enjoy it the way I used to. It is no fun dancing in the streets alone, or even walking around the town watching the colourful costumes. So carnival time makes missing my husband more acute. I have to make a great effort to keep my attention out on the activities and excitement so as not to notice the ache in my heart.
I remember the first carnival he experienced with me. I enjoyed watching his face light up with the novelty of it all; the amazement in his expression that an entire nation could wake out of their beds at 3.00am on Jour Ouvert morning to go into town to dance in the streets and officially begin the carnival. Seeing the celebration through his eyes was refreshing for me.
So this year, I will try to enjoy it once more, despite missing him so much and wishing he was here to share the fun with me. It certainly won't be the same.
It's Carnival Time
This is a big week approaching in Trinidad ..... The Carnival !!!!!
Don't for one second think that the Carnival is about tourism or anything like that. This is about Trinidadians !!!!!! This amazing event (actualy a season) can only be described as an incredible outpouring of national and cultural pride !!! Don't we all wish we had such a national event that stirred our spirits so much. May it last forever .......
This blog is about Mike and Marilyn. So what is going on with the statement above?
Mike (me) is in Montreal, Canada and it is blowing a snow blizzard outside. One thing that is very clear in my mind is why I want to be in Trinidad right now ...... it is because I miss my wife so very much.
Sure the weather here is lousy ..... sure the Carnival is fantastic ....... but what is more sure than any of those things is that I love my wife more than any worldy things .......more than anything at all !!!!
So those of you out there that are looking for reasons ....... think of Love ..... it too has amazing power and depth .....
Don't for one second think that the Carnival is about tourism or anything like that. This is about Trinidadians !!!!!! This amazing event (actualy a season) can only be described as an incredible outpouring of national and cultural pride !!! Don't we all wish we had such a national event that stirred our spirits so much. May it last forever .......
This blog is about Mike and Marilyn. So what is going on with the statement above?
Mike (me) is in Montreal, Canada and it is blowing a snow blizzard outside. One thing that is very clear in my mind is why I want to be in Trinidad right now ...... it is because I miss my wife so very much.
Sure the weather here is lousy ..... sure the Carnival is fantastic ....... but what is more sure than any of those things is that I love my wife more than any worldy things .......more than anything at all !!!!
So those of you out there that are looking for reasons ....... think of Love ..... it too has amazing power and depth .....
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Mike's Intro
Before anyone asks ..... no it is not easy at all !!!!!
We are separated like this due to necessity only. If we had a choice we would be back together in a flash. We miss each other so very much and don't really know how long we can keep this up. What we do know though is that we will be together as soon as possible.
I am living in Canada as a temporary worker. Yes I have a good job but I keep myself living in a temporary style. I try hard not to put down roots here. I endure a lot to ensure that my life here feels temporary. I guess this is one way my mind works to keep me focussed. We communicate a lot !!! More than many who live together..... We support each other a lot too. We are not living as single people but as a married couple.
This blog is an attempt on one level to share our feelings and thoughts with each other (and with you). On another level it is another way for us to help ensure that this separation is used for the good and not wasted.
I hope you all enjoy our story as it evolves. Please feel free to comment. We are not recomending this lifestyle to others but know that many are in this position. If we can help a few along the way we will be well pleased.
Mike in Montreal, Canada
We are separated like this due to necessity only. If we had a choice we would be back together in a flash. We miss each other so very much and don't really know how long we can keep this up. What we do know though is that we will be together as soon as possible.
I am living in Canada as a temporary worker. Yes I have a good job but I keep myself living in a temporary style. I try hard not to put down roots here. I endure a lot to ensure that my life here feels temporary. I guess this is one way my mind works to keep me focussed. We communicate a lot !!! More than many who live together..... We support each other a lot too. We are not living as single people but as a married couple.
This blog is an attempt on one level to share our feelings and thoughts with each other (and with you). On another level it is another way for us to help ensure that this separation is used for the good and not wasted.
I hope you all enjoy our story as it evolves. Please feel free to comment. We are not recomending this lifestyle to others but know that many are in this position. If we can help a few along the way we will be well pleased.
Mike in Montreal, Canada
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Introduction- Marilyn
Why ‘Hearts Apart’.
Hearts Apart is about our journey apart. Due to unforeseen circumstances we are forced to live in separate countries temporarily. One of my friends calls ours a commuter marriage. We recognize that we have to do some special work to keep the marriage strong and to help it to grow despite the distance between us. We are continuously learning how to manage a long-distance relationship. Sharing our thoughts and experiences here helps us to do that. It is our project that we do together across the miles; another bond between us.
We have been living apart for the past eighteen months. That makes a marriage that is only three years old very fragile. There are two important things that must be present- a strong foundation and making sweet memories together frequently. A long-term plan must also be constantly in our sight. In addition, we must have big dreams and goals to hold on to.
We started the foundation before we got married; we took the time and made the effort to understand as much of each other as possible and we learned from the challenges that we faced bringing our different personalities and cultures together. We made promises to each other to always be aware of the relationship and share our thoughts and feelings. We outlined our commitment to each other. Sweet memories are easy for us to make as we have such fun together and both have a passion for the ocean. So we have "beach vacations" at least once a year for our anniversary. It is also true that whenever you live apart like this, the time that you have together is so precious that you make sure there are sweet memories to take away.
So here we are…..
Hearts Apart is about our journey apart. Due to unforeseen circumstances we are forced to live in separate countries temporarily. One of my friends calls ours a commuter marriage. We recognize that we have to do some special work to keep the marriage strong and to help it to grow despite the distance between us. We are continuously learning how to manage a long-distance relationship. Sharing our thoughts and experiences here helps us to do that. It is our project that we do together across the miles; another bond between us.
We have been living apart for the past eighteen months. That makes a marriage that is only three years old very fragile. There are two important things that must be present- a strong foundation and making sweet memories together frequently. A long-term plan must also be constantly in our sight. In addition, we must have big dreams and goals to hold on to.
We started the foundation before we got married; we took the time and made the effort to understand as much of each other as possible and we learned from the challenges that we faced bringing our different personalities and cultures together. We made promises to each other to always be aware of the relationship and share our thoughts and feelings. We outlined our commitment to each other. Sweet memories are easy for us to make as we have such fun together and both have a passion for the ocean. So we have "beach vacations" at least once a year for our anniversary. It is also true that whenever you live apart like this, the time that you have together is so precious that you make sure there are sweet memories to take away.
So here we are…..
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